LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize