dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
