Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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