Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
