How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
