uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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