Its about making memories worth repressing
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
