like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
