True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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