Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
