I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
