His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
