When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
