I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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