they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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