Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
