You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
