Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize