I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
