I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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