this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My bed smells like the plague
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
