I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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