Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
