dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
