I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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