The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize