I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize