Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
