You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
