I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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