great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize