i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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