I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
from now on my penis is your penis
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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