I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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