I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
