she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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