How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
