I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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