I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
