so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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