I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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