Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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