Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize