I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
