Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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