There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
