there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
