I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
