i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
