God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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