Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
