I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
