Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
