didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
