my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
