Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
