gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I need to stop coming to work sober
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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