he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I forget how to act sober
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
