wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
