There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
