PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
