Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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