I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
