I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
