Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
