the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
