I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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