i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
