all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
