last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
