god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
