I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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