she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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