Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
