census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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