I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
