She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
