My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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