Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
