He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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