he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
