how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
