He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
