can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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