I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
