Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
