She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
