Don't make out with my wife yet
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
