I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
