nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
