I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
