guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
try to milk me bitch
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