you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
