Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
