I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
