My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
