You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
