what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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