i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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