Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
