she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
