I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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