Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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