Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
