Soap is not a condiment
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
