Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
