Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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