So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize