so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize