Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
